By putting neuroscience into action, we can help our children experience-and remember-more good times than bad.
Life is full of difficulties. But Neuroscientist Rick Hanson explains in his fabulous book on "the practical neuroscience of happiness, love, & wisdom," that we can take positive steps to determine which memories stick with our kids. Hanson argues that the key isn't to avoid the pain that life presents-it's through our challenges that we learn deep lessons we couldn't learn any other way. Instead we can foster positive experiences that offset those challenges.
Unfortunately, we are a bit hard-wired to mostly remember bad things while forgetting the good ones. According to Hanson, our mind acts "like Teflon for positive" memories and "Velcro for negative ones." This is not good for our happiness: If most of our memories are negative, we come to perceive the world as depressing, even threatening.
Fortunately, Hanson gives us a method for raising kids who have more positive memories than negative ones, kids who have happy associations with their childhood and whose outlook on life reflects that. Here's how to "Take in the Good," as Hanson calls it.
Teach kids to notice the good things that are all around them. Practice actively looking for the positive: Those flowers we planted in the fall are blooming; our neighbor was so nice to help us with a difficult project; school was particularly fun today. Regular gratitude practices help with this. The key, according to Hanson, is to "turn positive facts into positive experiences."
Draw out-really savor-those positive experiences. This aspect will forever change the way my kids and I do our "3 good things" practice at bedtime. The idea is not just to hold something positive in our awareness for as long as possible, but also to remember the positive emotions that go along with them. Now my kids list something that is good about their day, like that they had fun with their friends, and we really think about how good it felt to be playing and enjoying friendship. This evokes what was rewarding about a "good thing," and helps use our brain chemistry to strengthen connections associated with the memory.
Let it all sink in. Have your kids imagine that the good thing you were just talking about "is entering deeply into [their] mind and body, like the sun's warmth into a T-shirt, water into a sponge, or a jewel placed in a treasure chest in your heart."
Adapted from "Rigging Kids' Brains for Happy Memories" by Christine Carter in her blog "Raising Happiness: Science for Joyful Kids and Happier Parents." The Greater Good Science Center in Berkeley, CA.
You can find the blog here.
Rigging Kids' Brains for Happy Memories
Developments in Neuropsychology
Family Paths is committed to awareness and comprehension of the newest developments in the areas of psychology and neuropsychology that directly relate to working with people exposed to significant trauma. When new research offers implications for the therapeutic process, it is especially important that we are engaged in creating learning opportunities for our staff.
Barbra Silver, MFT, Family Paths' Clinical Director, participates in an ongoing reading group with neuropsychologist Allan Schore, Ph.D., whose activities as a clinician/scientist include theoretical work on the enduring impact of early trauma on brain development. Additionally, eleven Family Paths staff members and interns are currently involved in a nine-month remote-learning "webinar" program for mental health professionals. This program, hosted by Massachusetts-based clinical psychologist Janina Fisher, Ph.D., focuses on developing greater comfort and expertise in working with complex trauma and dissociation and staying current with the most recent treatment advances. Topics covered include integrating neurobiological research into trauma treatment, using mind-body techniques in traditional talking therapy, and working with dissociative symptoms and disorders.
Clinicians Phyllis Lorenz, MFT and Gwynne Gilson, MFT Intern, are two Family Paths employees who regularly participate in neuropsychology trainings.
Phyllis has given several presentations on trauma and dissociation at Family Paths. Her main focus is on how a child's developing brain is impacted by trauma and chronic stress. She emphasizes the importance of early care-giving experiences on the development of the child. Simply put, experience shapes the brain. In a safe and attuned environment, the infant develops a sense of self in relation to others, while a history of trauma and chronic stress can affect the developing brain of a young child, specifically the ability to regulate emotion in response to stress. Phyllis' trainings include information on how individuals learn to manage the trauma they have encountered, specifically dissociation. She teaches "Structural Dissociation", a model developed by Janina Fisher, Ph.D., which outlines the creative and brilliant ways individuals learn to survive the stress and trauma of their lives.
Gwynne is currently a participant in the three-year Somatic Experiencing training program, offered by the Foundation for Human Enrichment. Through these trainings, Gwynne has gained an understanding of how the nervous system responds to trauma, including the reasons why symptoms remain "stuck" in the body, sometimes for years. Somatic Experiencing techniques are designed to restore the body's innate ability to heal and are especially useful as an adjunct to traditional talk therapy.
Family Paths remains committed to utilizing the latest research developments as we work to heal the effects of trauma and violence in our community. We know how important it is to bring up-to-date treatment options to the families in Alameda County who need it most.